Thursday, March 26, 2009

"Sovereign Stillness Whispers 'Trust in Me' "

Some days are much calmer than others. My blood sugar readings are decently stable throughout the day, I calculate the right amount of insulin to give myself according to the amount of carbs I am eating, I get in a good workout without my blood sugar dropping too low.

...And then there are days when out of no where or for no apparent reason, it's just "one of those days."

Yesterday my blood sugar soared up to 380 around 1:00pm!!!! (80-120 is a normal range). A high blood sugar is an AWFUL're nauseous, extremely lethargic, and feel like you have cotton balls in your mouth!!!

Even after giving myself what felt like LOTS of insulin, the high continued til the end of the afternoon, on my way home from work, and was still there when I got home.

In frustration, I laid down on the couch, began reading a book, and just cried. When I'm upset, mad, angry, etc....I cry. This is what I do! When I am extremely touched, excited, happy...I cry too! Derek has gotten used to this and has come a long way from our first week of marriage when his way of consoling me was to look at me and say, "Wow! You cry a lot!"

I explained to him that it is ok. It's just my body's reaction to what I'm feeling. I said, if you are nervous, you might sweat...if I'm upset, I'm gonna cry. He now knows to just give me a hug and sit with me! (Great book! "Just Walk Across the Room" by Bill Hybels.)

In the middle of reading, Hybels talked about Psalm 139 and the fact that we are made just the way God wanted us. I was reminded that while He was knitting me together in my mom's womb, He had a purpose for allowing me to get Diabetes...and He knew I'd get emotional about it at times.

Later that night when I was rejoicing over being 260 (which is still high, but much better than 380), I made my way to the kitchen to get dinner started. I decided to put on some music that I hadn't listened to in a long time. One of my all time favorite bands, Stavesacre.
While thinking through what could've gone wrong with my numbers earlier in the day, I felt myself going there with my thoughts...beginning to wish I didn't have Diabetes and how life would be much easier without it- blah, blah, blah.

All of a sudden, the lyrics to the music in the other room seemed to get louder and grabbed my attention:

Keep Waiting
But I think I know the way, I got a promise on the mind,
and I'll be looking for what's mine
Sovereign stillness whispers trust in me
And when they try to take your eyes off of me, remember
And when they try to take your eyes off of me, remember me
Keep Waiting, I'll be right on time
Keep Waiting, I'll be right on time

And again, another encouragement from the Lord to wait on His perfect timing and to trust in His sovereignty while I try to improve my health.

I often wake up in the middle of the night to test my blood sugar, especially after a day like yesterday when things aren't quite as stable. Poor Derek! I must've woken up 3 times last night, making noise, and turning on a little light next to the bed.

He woke up with me and asked, "You ok?" I was frustrated, but said "Sorry! Yeah, I'm fine." (although my tone of voice showed I really wasn't feeling ok). I finished my test, turned the light out and tried to get a few last hours of sleep before I had to wake up.

Derek grabbed my hand, pulled me in close, and wrapped his arms around me.
"Now I'm ok," I whispered.

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