"God allows in His wisdom, that which He could easily prevent by His power."
The quote above is from a video that our staff at work just watched together. It is about a 37 year old wife and mother of 2 little kids who is dying of cancer. Her message and testimony was exactly what I needed to hear.
Check it out for yourself: http://deathisnotdying.com/eventvideo/
I finally got my running for the week done last night, after complications and diabetes-related issues kept me from running on Tuesday morning, Tuesday night, Wednesday morning, Wednesday night, and then AGAIN Thursday morning!!!
I just kept saying, "Well, tomorrow is a new day. I'll try again and keep experimenting with my insulin, numbers, food, etc. til I finally get it right."
The frustration added up little by little but ended with my 25 minute run around our neighborhood before dinner last night. I got a nice little tour of our neighborhood, the weather was perfect, I was listening to great music, my muscles ached when I was done...but it was a good ache of accomplishment!!! And best of all, my numbers seemed to be good and steady.
By the time I had finished making dinner, it was 7:30pm and my blood sugar had shot up to 297...which meant I wouldn't be eating for a while. I told Derek to go ahead without me while I pumped up some more insulin and finished putting things away.
"I'm just so frustrated!" I said to Derek. "Hey, at least you got your running done for the week. That's great!" Derek replied. "I know. I'm trying not to get down about it. I'm sure I'll just cry and then be ok in a little bit." I said as I tried to hold back my tears and think about anything else but my stupid high blood sugar. "Don't cry," Derek said.
I walked in the other room where Derek was eating, and as the tears started to roll down my face, I sat on floor and began to stretch. The tears were still flowing. I got up and stretched out my legs again, turning my back so Derek couldn't see I was still crying, and fought to not have one of those, "Why me? Why Diabetes?" moments.
Rachel Barkey, the woman in the video with cancer talked about having a moment of being frustrated and angry with having cancer. She said that although it happens, she tries not to have those moments. She does not want to throw up her fists at God, yelling and telling him that His plan didn't work out right for her life, that he is not in control or all knowing.
When I heard her say this, I saw that in me (and then I started to cry!). Not that I intentionally throw my fists up at God and yell, but in the times where I think that life without Diabetes would be much easier or when I start to wonder why and what the point is, I kind of am doubting God. God isn't shocked that I have Diabetes. He knew I could handle it when he allowed it.
Sure, He could've prevented it, but..."God allows in His wisdom, that which He could easily prevent by His power."
So again, I find myself being reminded that its not important to know why me or to imagine what life would be like without Diabetes. The fact is, I have it and I'm gonna use it to God's glory, doing the best that I can to control the disease.
Maybe I'd be super unhealthy and lazy with out Diabetes? Maybe it's forced me to be healthy!!!
They are coming so close to a cure and it's such an exciting time with so many resources out there on how to be healthier.
So, in the meantime I will...."run with perseverance the race marked out for [me]. [I will] fix [my] eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of [my] faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3.