It was just that my Uncle who has been living with Type 1 Diabetes for 50 years was scheduled for a quadruple bi-pass the next day...and a friend from high school's daughter was just diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes...and from out of no where, my blood sugar was in the upper 300's and no amount of insulin would bring it down.
All of a sudden there was too much Diabetes around me...and Diabetes was making me MAD!
I was MAD for my Uncle's sake.
I was MAD for this 6 year old girl's interrupted childhood.
I was MAD at Diabetes.
I try to not let Diabetes dictate me emotions. I like to think that I'm in control of everything around me and that I can calmly and rationally react and decide my feelings before I actually feel and express them. I often downplay Diabetes for the world watching, acting like Diabetes is no big deal.
But every now and then I feel a bit defeated. For a few moments I say, "OK, Diabetes, you win!"
And then I cry...a lot.
Diabetes is planning 24/7, fists clenched and held up high, ready to punch and jab and anticipate the ugly blood sugar's next moves and twists and turns. It doesn't ALWAYS FEEL like I'm fighting and holding my breathe...but on occasions ...it all piles up.
After I cry for a little bit and have myself a good pity-party, I brush myself off and remember that tomorrow is always a brand new day... a fresh start...a new opportunity for great blood sugar control.
Life with Diabetes is definitely a marathon, a journey that is best taken moment by moment.
My boss emailed our team this quote a while back. I don't know who the original author is, but I have it posted at my desk and read it often, helping me put life with Diabetes in perspective:
no matter how rough the road, may it be a graceful journey.
may acceptance bring peace to circumstances beyond our control.
may we find more strength than we realized.
may the simple things inspire the most joy.
may love be all that matters.
may gratitude empower our spirits and may faith help us overcome.